Wanna get depressed? Be a Tigers fan

ON BASEBALL

WARNING: This is not a happy story. If you're in a chipper weekend mood, this is not recommended reading.

OK, I'll get right to the bread and butter.

I'm a Detroit Tigers fan.

On the surface, that's not bad, right? I follow a 52-51 team that's still (arguably) in contention for a division. The Tigers have one of baseball's highest payrolls. They have a lot of big-name players. Plenty of offense. Gotta love it, right?

Um, no.

Actually, following the Tigers these days is like jumping off a cliff, only breaking 17 bones, and then doing the exact same thing — and still not dying. Being a Tigers fan is akin to holding down a job that you absolutely detest but continue to get up for at 6:30 every morning.

I only need one number to back up my morbid argument: 17. That's how many one-run losses the 2008 Tigers have sustained. That's right. If my math is correct, they have lost one third of their games by a single @#%&!@# run. Watching one-run losses is more painful than getting an earring shoved into the middle of your lobe (and I have a personal experience to back this up).

I would much rather see the Tigers lose 13-2, 17-3, 29-4. Then, at least, I'd know they're terrible, they're underachievers, they're not gonna come back to win the division. But watching them lose game after game by a single run brings me back to watch the next game ... and the next.

It's called hope, people. The Tigers make you hope. And that is entirely — 118 percent — a bad thing. Only motivational speakers call hope a good thing. And they're getting paid for their words.

Take Saturday night, for instance. When the Tigers fell down 4-1 in the third inning, my man Tick sent me this text: "It's time tr starting thinking about next season" (yes, he struggles with his spelling)." I agreed, replying, "No doubt." Then, of course, the Tigers made me forget about Tick's morbid message. First, they tied the game 4-4. Then after Chicago got to Justin Verlander to make it 7-4, the Tigers battled back to 7-6.

There was hope. Then this happened — and if you're a Tigers fan and this doesn't depress you, well, you're not much of a fan. The Tigers loaded the bases for Carlos Guillen in the seventh inning. He struck out. Magglio Ordonez led off the bottom of the eighth with a double. He ended the inning stuck on second.

At that point, I knew it was all but over, but I continued watching. It would have worked just fine for a 1-2-3 ninth to happen. And the first two batters complied with first-pitch outs. But then Curtis Granderson decided to tease the fans, battling back from an 0-2 count to slice a double down the left-field line. All of a sudden, there was that stupid "H" word — hope.

I sat up in my seat and proceeded to watch Placido Polanco work a full count. Oh, boy! The Comerica Park fans rose to their feet. I could feel the tension from 697 miles away. Palanco is Detroit's best contact hitter. He was having a good night.

Which meant, of course, he was due for a strikeout. I knew it before it happened, but it didn't reduce the pain when he swung and missed. You know things are bad when the inevitable still stings as much as an unexpected bullet. That's what happened to me Saturday night.

As usual, the Tigers had created hope — giving me something to be excited about — only to snatch away from me. Of course I should have known about it, but how can I ignore a man on second with nobody out in a one-run game in the eighth inning?

I, like any other baseball fan, can't, you see. And if the Tigers were a fundamental baseball team, there's no way that tying run would have been stranded at second base. But with Miguel Cabrera and Gary Sheffield coming up, of course there was no bunting, no sacrificing. Instead, there was a strikeout and a popout. And then, just a moment later, the inning was over. The threat was averted. Bobby Jenks was warming up in the bullpen.

The season was all but over for the Tigers. After, of course, Jenks survived a little scare and put us Tigers fans back in our place.

And what a sad story it is. A team that was predicted to do such big things. Players not performing up to expectations, not getting the job done. A depressed culture.

My only cure on this night was Taco Bell. Perhaps that will be corrected in the future. But for now, one-run losses aren't quite as tasty as 89-cent beef burritos.

It's nearing gut-check time for Tigers

ON BASEBALL

Maybe that is what will finally awake the Detroit Tigers out of their August slumber.

A four-hour rain delay followed by a four-and-a-half-hour game. A 3:30 a.m. walkoff home run by Carlos Guillen.

No, you don't see that more than once in a lifetime.

The Tigers have been flailing for over a month now. Their starting pitching has been anything but advertised. Their bullpen has defined "shaky." And their lineup really isn't that scary anymore.

Sill — and I can't believe I'm saying this — after Friday night's eight-and-a-half-hour affair — a 9-6 win in 11 innings over the Yankees — the Tigers find themselves a mere game and a half behind the Central Division leading Indians (mostly because Cleveland has been almost as bad as Detroit of late).

Detroit hasn't won a series since it swept the Twins July 17-19. It hasn't even won back-to-back games in two weeks.

So, yes, Saturday night's game against the Yankees is huge. The marathon victory Friday night won't mean a thing if the Tigers can't wipe the sleep from their eyes and focus clearly enough to win this second game of the four-game set.

No, a loss Saturday night wouldn't mean the end of the season. Heck, losses in the final three games to the Yanks wouldn't diminish all hope, but it sure would tighten the noose. The Tigers need momentum. They need to get the car moving instead of conking out every block. Who knows if Guillen's long ball was the beginning of a change in direction.

It's gonna take a team effort
It is clear, with Joel Zumaya finally back, that the presence of one player isn't going to determine the Tigers' fate. Sure, Zumaya's return was such a big deal that it was featured on the front page of the "Detroit Free Press," but he went on to allow all three runs just two days later in a devastating 3-1 loss to the Indians (if the Tigers could have pulled that game out, they'd be in first place right now).

The same can be said for Gary Sheffield. Yes, the Tigers miss his veteran presence in the lineup right now, but he alone is not going to push the team back into the postseason. Especially if his shoulder continues to bother him.

It's going to take both a team effort from the pitching staff and the batting lineup — starters 1-5, hitters 1-9... all the relief pitchers — to be playing when the leaves change colors. That was evident on Friday when the bullpen didn't allow a run in more than six innings of work. Everyone did their job — even Tigers' fans whipping boy, Jason Grilli.

A big concern for the Tigers has to be Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez, who simply isn't close to the hitter he used to be. As a veteran at the age of 36, you'd expect Rodriguez to display patience at the plate, however that is far from the case. When he walked Friday night (actually, it was Saturday morning), the radio announcers woke up from their night dreams to talk about how surprising of an occurrence it was. After all, it was just Rodriguez's seventh walk of the year compared to 78 strikeouts. His .289 on-base percentage is even more of a concern.

With Sheffield out, Rodriguez struggling, Brandon Inge even worse, and Cameron Maybin still getting used to the majors, no one can say anymore that the Tigers' lineup is devoid of holes.

But, still, Detroit should have enough offense to get back to the postseason... providing its starting pitching gets its act together.

And that's the big question: What has happened to that rotation? Jeremy Bonderman has struggled. Kenny Rogers is injured. Justin Verlander hasn't been the same since his no-hitter back in June. Nate Robertson has been up and down.

Of late, the Tigers' best starter has been Jair Jurrjens, who gave up a single hit in Detroit's 2-1 win over Cleveland Tuesday night. That's not a good sign. Now is the time for last year's top guys to step up and lead this team. Not Jurrjens, or Andrew Miller, who didn't make it out of the fifth inning Friday night.

Good performances from those two will be bonuses. Bonderman, Verlander, Robertson and Rogers (when he returns) need to start lasting longer into games (at least six innings) and giving up less runs (as simple as that sounds).

Maybe Friday night was a start. Maybe the Tigers will build on the extra-inning, extra-time victory. But, then again, the game didn't exactly showcase the main ingredient the Tigers need to gain momentum — good starting pitching.

I'm sure team members aren't thinking about that, however. At this point in the season, a win's a win — however the Tigers might come upon it.