My NFL Preview

ON FOOTBALL

To avoid ridicule (at least for now; wait until my picks prove to be painfully wrong), I have decided to patch together a shaky NFL preview (one of just 21,493 on the Internet) here at the last minute.

I won't bother you with analysis, either. No injury prospectus. No "surprise performer" harbingers.

Nope, what follows are the predictions — and only the predictions. Maybe a crass comment thrown in here or there.

Give me some feedback. Let me know how wrong I am. I won't take offense.

NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE

NFC North
1, Chicago 12-4
2, Green Bay 8-8
3, Detroit 6-10
4, Minnesota 5-11
Crass comment: What an awful division. The Bears could take a month off and still win.

NFC East
1, Philly 10-6
2, Dallas 10-6*
3, N.Y. Giants 6-10
4, Washington 6-10
Crass comment: Here's to hoping Donovan McNabb stays healthy, T.O. keeps his mouth shut and Tiki stops ripping on his old team (they've got it bad enough, Tiki!).

NFC South
1, New Orleans 11-5
2, Carolina 9-7*
3, Tampa Bay 6-10
4, Atlanta 4-12
Crass comment: Hey, now that Sports Illustrated has finally not picked the Panthers to win the Super Bowl, maybe they'll make the playoffs.

NFC West
1, St. Louis 10-6
2, Seattle 9-7
3, San Francisco 8-8
4, Arizona 7-9
Crass comment: I'll be honest. I flipped coins to pick this winner. Who really knows? Whichever team's top running back stays healthy will win.

*=wild card team

AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE

AFC East
1, New England 12-4
2, N.Y. Jets 10-6
3, Buffalo 7-9
4, Miami 5-11
Crass comment: I'll run around the neighborhood naked if Trent Green plays more than half the season for the Dolphins.

AFC North
1, Baltimore 11-5
2, Cincinnati 10-6*
3, Pittsburgh 8-8
4, Cleveland 5-11
Crass comment: Poor Brady Quinn. He'll probably get thrown into the game against Baltimore and receive a friendly greeting from Ray Lewis. Ouch!

AFC South
1, Indianapolis 12-4
2, Tennessee 9-7
3, Jacksonville 7-9
4, Houston 5-11
Crass comment: I love how people keep doubting Vince Young. Keep it up, guys. He'll just continue to prove you all wrong.

AFC West
1, San Diego 11-5
2, Denver 10-6*
3, Kansas City 6-10
4, Oakland 4-12
Crass comment: Can you believe Larry Johnson mentioned the words "Super Bowl" after signing that new contract? Um, it's a team game, L.J.

*=wild card teams

PLAYOFFS

NATIONAL FOOTBALL CONFERENCE

Wild Card Round
Philly def. Carolina
St. Louis def. Dallas
Divisional Round
Chicago def. St. Louis
Philly def. New Orleans
NFC Championship
Chicago def. Philly

AMERICAN FOOTBALL CONFERENCE

Wild Card Round
Baltimore def. Denver
San Diego def. Cincinnati
Divisional Round
New England def. Baltimore
Indianapolis def. San Diego
AFC Championship
New England def. Indianapolis

SUPER BOWL
New England 24, Chicago 16: Poor Bears. With Rex at the helm, they're becoming the second coming of the 1990s Bills.